If you only knew how long it has taken me to write this one. WHEW!
It’s been a min. A hot minute. Life has been super weird. I just haven’t been ‘feeling it’ for a while now and been battling the worst case of writer’s block. (That is what I’m going to call it, okay?) Motivation to write was non-existent….to the point where had I not deleted them instantly, I’m not sure how many drafts I’d have saved on my computer that will never see the light of day.
Don’t worry, they are trash. Literally.
I’ve also just been dealing with a lot in my personal life and writing about sports (or just in general) felt more like a chore than a task I’ve enjoyed doing for over the last decade of my life. I can’t tell you the number of times I opened my laptop wrote a few graphs and was like….”Nah.” closed it and never went back. Over and over again the last several months. Vicious cycle. Extra spin. No softener.
While I’m pleased with myself that I’m finally writing SOMETHING again, I can’t say I’m ready to fully jump back into things just yet. I almost quit this post at least three times already. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. Heck. It’s been so long, my mom asked me earlier what in the world I was doing on my computer. Not sure I would have EVER been asked that question from 2010-2019. (audience laughs)
Just a few short weeks ago, I truly felt I had wrapped up my time as reporter/journalist. I was just about ready to even shut down this site as well…..until I realized I had already paid for another year for my domain. (We keeping it real on here tonight, lol) So for at least until my contract runs out, I’ll be making more regular appearances over the next several months.
I’d be remiss not to acknowledge a friend/high school classmate (shoutout to Steven Nicholson) who shared something with me that has stuck with me ever since I read it. He deserves some credit for planting a seed of confirmation when I really felt like throwing the recorders, monopods and notepads in the dumpster earlier this summer.
We were discussing (via Facebook) a column in the LA Times that highlighted ESPN’s ‘pervasive race problems’ and I had declined to share some of my true feelings on the topic in an attempt to not jeopardize any future endeavors. But I was reminded that no matter the subject, I have a voice that needs to be heard and platform that should be utilized.
I needed that.
However, when it comes to returning to the journalism grind, I want to just enjoy sports and be a fan for a while. The opportunity to cover Clemson athletics last year with Sports Illustrated was unreal and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But with all the chaos in the world, my one true outlet and thing to look forward to, all of the sudden felt like work. I have a “trade” that many people wish for. I’m not throwing away my gift but rather finding a different way to utilize it moving forward.
Now if you’re reading this right now you may be thinking, where is he going with this? To be real with ya, I don’t know yet. But I felt it was time to pop in and say SOMETHING. Maybe with football coming back around the itch to write, rant, and trash talk will return, too. We shall see.
Take care of yourself and check on those you love. We all could use it these days. Stay safe and I’ll see you guys soon.
The Hall Pass 